I got pregnant the first time I had sex. I was just 18 and knew nothing. I was desperately in love with the father, who was older than me. I knew we should be using a condom, I even said that to him the night I lost my virginity, but he still had sex with me without one.
He also had a fiancée. I thought he would leave her for me, I was stupid and believed every word he said.
I just knew I couldn’t have a baby, I was barely an adult myself and I was scared. I made up my mind I had to have an abortion, it was my only option.
After I had the procedure I felt relief. Then when I got back home the father rang me and told me it was over between us. It shattered me. He had a baby with his fiancée a year later.
Twenty years on and I still feel regret about my decision. I feel as though it may have been my only chance to have a child and the whole experience has really fucked me up.
Of course when I consider the situation I think I made the right choice but it doesn’t make the pain any less.
What were your feelings about doing the abortion/s?
The awful thing is your feelings can change as you get older. I never thought I would feel so sad about having an abortion when I was so convinced it was the right thing to do when I was young.
How did you do the abortion?
I was scared as hell and thought I may actually die. I realise now I must have been in severe shock. All I remember was walking down a dark corridor into a surgical room, then I remember lying down with my legs in stirrups, counting back from ten. Then I woke up and some nurse was checking a pad between my legs to see how bad the bleeding was. It is literally like a nightmare that happened to someone else.
What was your situation at this time?
I wanted to go to University
Adakah haramnya pengguguran anda mempengaruhi perasaan anda?
Bagaimana reaksi orang lain terhadap pengguguran anda?
My family was very supportive.
What is your religion?
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