I'm 18 years of age.My abortion was very hard on me due to religious reasons.It was a major decision for me.I didn't have my parents know about the fact that I was pregnant or anyone but my boyfriend, my sister and my cousin.He was super supportive of any choice I wanted to make but I knew we weren't ready for a baby.
2014 United States
What were your feelings about doing the abortion/s?
I felt extremely bad about it because I always said if I had gotten pregnant I would have my baby.It took me a while to have sex with my boyfriend and when we started I was soo worried of getting pregnant because I was so committed in church and I felt like having sex before marriage I will be punished by god because I know better.After a year of unprotected sex and no pregnancies I was in total shock. Then again I shouldn't have been because we lose focus and he came inside me that last time we had sex, for the first time but we thought my ovulation date had long gone considering that my periods were due the following week.My period came when it was due.I was happy and I said no way I can be pregnant and I still took a pregnancy test 2 weeks after just to be sure and it came out negative.Then I missed my period after that and I was confused. My boyfriend was there telling me I'm not pregnant but my breast was extremely hard and certain smells was really irritating me so I knew something was definitely wrong.I took a pregnancy test and it came out positive we were in shock.Even when I took all five pregnancy tests I still didn't believe it.I broke down in my doctors office when I went to confirm that I was pregnant...When I made the decision all I was seeing is my mother's reaction and I just wanted the baby out at the time because I really couldn't bare disappointing her like that because I knew where we came from.By me doing good in school, seeing her sooo happy and so confident that nothing will stop me from pursuing my dreams I didn't want to disappoint her so I was confident then that the abortion was the right decision for me.After a while, seeing everybody around me pregnant I wondered. wow I'm pregnant? I really have a fetus growing inside me to call me mummy in the near future? all those questions ran through my mind but my decision about the abortion was confidential.After I did it I weeped for days.Everyday that past by I cried because I felt as though I was being selfish I was thinking about my dreams and my fears instead of the baby.I felt like a bad mother.I felt stupid because I buried myself thinking about my family reaction to the news of me being pregnant instead of thinking of the joy my baby might have brought to me.I felt alone because I didn't have my boyfriend there and nobody there with me at the moment to comfort me.I felt as though I had to be my own hero, my own shoulder to cry on and that made me upset because I said in my mind my boyfriend promised me never to leave my side and look, when I needed him the most he had to work and he couldn't spend the night over with me to rub my back and wipe away my tears but although he was on work he called ever so often to make sure I was okay.He was trying to get my cousin to come over but she had exams so she couldn't spend the night over. He was worried alot. He made up for it by spending the next day with me.I cried alot but he told me we'd get over it and I'm not a bad person.But I still felt like I prevented my child from experiencing life.I felt as though I was caught up thinking about my thoughts instead of thinking about my child being a blessing in disguise. I felt like a I disappointed GOD in so many ways.I reached a point where I wanted to give up on my dreams because I constantly dreamt about me with a baby or imagining my baby and I having quality time together.It was really hard for me but thank god for my boyfriend he has been extra supportive and he never ONCE left me to think that life isn't worth it anymore.He always gave me a reason to continue pursuing my dreams, a reason to smile and he always remind me why I made the decision to have an abortion and why he thinks I'm a super mum because I wanted the best for my baby and what possibilities I envisioned later on.He's awesome and I can't imagine me not having him at my side. I told him I think I want another baby after my degree because I know he'd make a great dad.I love him so much..He's my everything.
How did you do the abortion?
I had methotrexate and misoprostol(cytotec) for my medical abortion.I was 4 weeks pregnant.With the methotrexate injection at my doctor's office, it made me feel a little light headed at first but I was fine until I took the cytotec. That's when all the pain took place.I took the pills in the night. I was alone in my room on the floor rolling in pain. I vomitted 2 hours after taking the cytotec and I was extremely weak for that whole night more or less.My doctor gave me pain killers but I was so weak I couldn't bare to help myself up to go get the pills. So I was there baring all the pain all alone.
What was your situation at this time?
The reason why I did my abortion because my family is facing a financial crisis and my boyfriend works on contract. He's looking for a permanent job at the moment.We both made the decision because of the fact that he doesn't have a permanent job. What we'll do if he doesn't get a contract for several months? and he'll have to take care of me, my baby and himself....Right now, we are trying to better ourselves for family purposes and we are extremely stressed with him looking for a job and having other responsibilities and me with school, keeping my grades up in order to graduate with top honors.I recently started college pursuing my dreams to be a pilot.I want the best for my child.I don't want my baby to come into a world of frustration, worries and discomfort. I can't bare to see my little one longing for things I can't offer because I was too young or we have to worry were our next meal is coming from.I want to be able to be comfortable and live comfortable.I want to be a mother that is always there for her child.Although my boyfriend and I have known each other for 6 years I still want to work and be an independent woman for my child.I want my child to be proud of me and not ashamed. Also my parents. I know they would of neglect me if they only knew that I was pregnant. Now that I'm pursuing my dreams of being a pilot my mother especially is so proud of me because she was a single mother for years and we were in alot of mess before..It was really hard for her and she was sooo protective of me because she wanted my dreams to come through. I won't put my children through the same thing we went through.She believes in me so much.I couldn't bare to disappoint her and embarrass her like that. I need her the most when I'm pregnant and right now, if I had my baby,I would have lost her along with my other family.
Did the illegality of your abortion affect your feelings?
I was affected regardless because of my spiritual belief.
How did other people react to your abortion?
My cousin was mad because she said that in the eyes of the LORD I committed a crime..but my boyfriend and my sister were extra supportive of my decision.They were the only persons that knew about it..I didn't mention it to anyone else.