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I'm still going through it but I'm getting better everyday

2016 Ireland

What were your feelings about doing the abortion/s?

I am still waited to feel the resolve of the situation but I am slowly getting there each day

How did you do the abortion?

I had the pills delivered by Post Restante to Northern Ireland and travelled on a Friday with my trusted friend by train. We collected them from a small town near Newry and the whole process was quite easy, except for the fact that all the post office had to go by was my name and they were asking questions about that size and shape the package was. I guessed it would be an envelope and they handed it over. We travelled back to Dublin and that night I took the first tablet. I had no symptoms for the first 24 hours. The next night, I was alone in the house except for my younger brother who was in his room. I took the second dose at 11.30pm and after 20 mins of having them under my tongue, the cramps started, which just felt like period pains, and I knew I should get into bed. Within 25 minutes of them starting, they intensified dramatically and I was finding it hard not to moan with pain. I was writhing around in the bed, absolutely shocked by the amount of pain I was in. I couldn't hide what was happening and my brother came upon this situation and was so confused. Trying to contain myself became harder and harder. At one stage I went to the bathroom because I felt nauseous, this was just after I'd taken a Tylex to ease the pain, I vomited that up and continued to vomit for about 30 minutes relentlessly. I had diarrhoea and vomiting at the same time and I couldn't drink enough water. I must have drank about 5 pints of water over a couple of hours. My mam came home eventually and tried to help but every painkiller I took, I instantly threw back up and the pain was unbearable. It came to the 3 hours mark and I had to take the second third set of tablets but I really didn't want to because I knew that the pain might get worse. I tried one last time to take painkillers and managed to keep them down, then I took the third set of tablets and lay there. Just as I began to feel the pain of the tablets getting to work, the painkillers kicked in and instatly I was fine. They were codeine based, nothing else would have helped. I was able to sleep through the night only having to get up a few times to clean the blood off of myself and change my pad. The bleeding was like a very heavy peiod with clots for the first few days. Then after about a week the bleeding started to die down. I passed something which I thought might have been the foetus bus I couldn't be sure. The bleeding was very manageable but after the 2 week mark it started to get heavier, I had episodes while in work where I was get dizzy, lose all sense of where I was, vomiting and collapsing. That was when I decided I needed to go to the doctor. I told the doctor that I thought I'd had a miscarriage and she did a pregnancy test, which came back positive. This is normal after 2 weeks because the hormones are still present. Just to be sure that everything was gone she sent me to hospital to have a scan. The scan found that it was gone but some lining remained. The bleeding has been heavier since the visit to the hospital and the doctor has me on Iron supplements and Ponstan (to hopefully lessen the bleeding). It has now been 4 weeks since the abortion and my bleeding is as heavy as ever. The Ponstan has helped slightly. I feel in myself that I am not in the best shape, I feel frail and I'm worried about when I'm going to have my body back to myself. I know that I made the right decision in the beginning but all that I've gone through the last couple of months have been very tough to do almost completely alone, I am so lucky that I was able to tell someone but the process has been physically draining and my mind is messed up with all this blood loss. I feel like everywhere I go I am physically still carrying this abortion with my and I'm ready to let go of it. My experience is not an average one so please don't be put off by it. It painful and hard but it's just got to be done unfortunately and hopefully soon we will have the support of our government and will be respected enough to have the rights to our own bodies. This whole experience has actually made me feel powerful in a way, it's hard to explain but the strength I have seen in myself is like nothing I've ever experienced and I'm proud of myself for coming through it a happier person.

What was your situation at this time?

Did the illegality of your abortion affect your feelings?

Not in the slightest, all it did was spur me on the help to repeal the 8th amendment even more than before. I feel no shame.

How did other people react to your abortion?

My family were supportive. I only told one friend that I trust thoroughly and received so much support from her. I can't say the same for my boyfriend at the time. He wanted me to keep it and didn't offer much support after I decided to have the abortion and we subsequently broke up.

legal/illegal

What is your religion?