Aisling

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Minor blip overcome thanks to Women on Web

2018 Ireland

What were your feelings about doing the abortion/s?

I was feeling very isolated and lonely during the pregnancy. I was bursting to talk to anyone about what I was going through and felt bad constantly blabbering and unloading my shitty symptoms and anxiety on my boyfriend. This was completely my fault as I knew I wanted to deal with this matter as privately as possible and not let anyone know or give anyone the opportunity to pass judgement. I felt ashamed that I was so stupid I could have allowed this mistake to happen. Overall, it was the best possible decision I could have made and do not feel guilty in the slightest.

How did you do the abortion?

I received the mifepristone and misoprostol pills from this website. If you are reading this and are worried about a medical abortion definitely you have NO reason to worry! [Personal recommendations for ultimate ease of process: hot water bottle, towel/mattress protector for bed, take pills on full stomach] Having read dramatic accounts online of how 'extremely painful' the procedure was lead me to worry that they weren't working when I took them. I took the Mifepristone at 6pm on a tuesday evening and the next evening at 8pm after eating a huge meal of massaman curry and an ibuprofen I took the 4 misoprostol tablets sublingually. As early as 20 minutes, the pills had dissolved and I was gurgling the white pill mixture as I was told to keep them there for 30 minutes. I had some mild cramps coming on at this stage. I lay down on my bed and anxiously asked my boyfriend what time it was. 8.30. By 9.00 I was definitely feeling some cramps and pain but it was not very intense and coming in waves. I had no idea what to expect but I was anticipating some sort of extreme pain which never came. I tortured myself for a minute by reading chit chat in forums online where women were talking about the pills not working. When I just relaxed and tried to forget about the possibility of the pills not working I felt a rush of blood into my pad. Finally my period! I was feeling really lazy and not like going to the bathroom to check so I lay in my bed for another 45 mins or so before realizing there was so much blood it was leaking onto my pyjama bottoms. I went to the bathroom to clean myself up. I had never experienced so much blood loss in any period ever before. While sitting on the toilet, I felt a small bean sized clot fall out of me. Shocked but delighted I thought wow was that it? I went inside and told my boyfriend it is done and I feel so relieved now. I lay back down and we continued watching my neighbour totoro. There was really so much blood though. It was pooling out of me. I've never seen my pads so saturated. I returned to the bathroom, confusingly passed another two of blood clots and showered to wash all the blood off. The cramps were slightly uncomfortable while trying to get to sleep but nothing worse than any strong period cramps. The next morning I felt amazing. No more nausea, depression, lack of motivation. I felt like it was the first day of the rest of my life. The hours of medical abortion anxiety and bleeding was NOTHING compared to the psychological and physical hell I went through while being pregnant.

What was your situation at this time?

Did the illegality of your abortion affect your feelings?

Technically the abortion was legal. The 8th amendment has been passed in Ireland but unluckily for me I managed to get pregnant in the window between the legislation being passed and the procedure actually being implemented in clinics. Despite the hullabaloo about abortion now being legal in Ireland, information was scant regarding actually getting the procedure in the Republic of Ireland or when it will be made available. This was extremely frustrating and was a grim reminder of the limits imposed by bureaucracy.

How did other people react to your abortion?

I only told my boyfriend who was very supportive and paid for the pills even though I knew he was secretly freaking out.

legal/illegal

What is your religion?