Imgoingtobeokay

Share your story

It's 2:25AM as I write this. I had two pills of misoprostol at 11PM. Been surfing the web since then. I've asked Google every question there is. Read every discussion board. Cried. And stopped. Surfed the web some more. And cried again.
My best friend sleeps next to me. We have an exam tomorrow. She's Snoring. I've never been more envious of her. My boyfriend, is in a different time zone. He keeps saying "chill out, the pills are not magic. Just wait."
I couldn't cry quietly anymore. So I came into the bathroom. Afraid to take my panties off, just to be disappointed for the millionth time tonight. Sat on the pot. Pants on. Cried some more. I love him. I say to myself. I will have his babies some day. Just not today. And it's okay. I say repeatedly. In between prayers I send up to God to let it be okay. "It's okay."
And then come those thoughts that are there even if you're thinking something else. Or laughing. Or studying. Or humming a song just so you wouldn't think. "What if I won't be okay! Ectopic! Surgery! Side effects! Still no bleeding! Why do I feel so alone?
And suddenly, I need to pee. So I take my pants off and pee. Wait. I saw a blob. A red blob. Let me check. And there it is. The red blob. And the tears. The stress, the relief, the grief all together. All at once. Tears. Blood. Pee. And all I can hear through my silent wails are "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
I don't know who I'm apologising to. To God? Because some say what I just did is against his will? To my mother? Because this is the only secret I will ever keep from her? To my boyfriend? The love of my life? For putting him through this? For making him feel like there's nothing he can do to make this better? To my best friend? For making her sit in the clinic for hours as I chugged down litre and after litre of water for the ultrasound?
No. Just me. I'm sorry. For putting myself through this. For 3 weeks of those horrible thoughts, those sleepless nights those countless google searches. I'm sorry. Never again.
I've never been so happy to see that red blob.
I'm going to be okay.

2015 India

I've said it all.

It worked. That's all I care about.

How did other people react to your abortion?

Whoever I told was supportive to be the best of their capacity.

Abril

Por un aborto libre, seguro y gratuito.

Sand

Grosse angoisse au moment de prendre le misoprostol... Mais finalement

M

At first i didn't know i was pregnant until i noticed i was vomiting a lot, but…

K

Medical abortion is easy, provides instant relief

Flor de Luna

Piloto automático, pero no me arrepiento

Dominika

Aborcja w samotności
Głupia byłam. Mój chłopak zawsze się kontrolował, ponoć…

kathy

No me sentía lista

Daniela

Yo aborté y es la mejor decisión que pude haber tomado.

Jaq

I was 21, and nowhere near ready or willing to carry and birth a child because…

Tannicola Nkata

I was brutally rapped during my time of imprisonment in my native country. I…

justin ..

NIGDY NIE MÓW NIGDY! ..kiedyś powiedziałam sobie, że aborcja nigdy nie będzie…

Karolina

Miałam aborcję

noname

Miałam aborcję.

Bree

It was the right decision just hard than i thought it would to deal with

Gabriela

Abortei aos 17 anos.

Esperanza

El adiós más difícil.