I had 2 abortions
1989 United Kingdom
What were your feelings about doing the abortion/s?
The first abortion I was very sure it was the right thing to do and felt very relieved afterwards. However psychologically it affected me a lot. I felt dirty and cheap. I did not want to have a relationship with a man afterwards. I was angry but could not talk to anyone about how I felt and bottled it up. I became depressed and isolated. A few years later I fell pregnant from a one night stand, one of the few times I had sex afterwards. I was very drunk. I took the morning after pill the next day but it didn’t work. I couldn’t believe I was in the same place again. I decided to have an abortion again as my family said they would not support me. It was terrible and broke my heart. However I learnt so much from my heartache. I decided to shake myself out of my depression and do something. I took responsibility for my actions. It was a horrible thing to do but it was necessary. Slowly I built my life again. I bought a flat. I met a wonderful man who loved me for who I was. We married and I had a baby at the right time. She was and is the best thing that ever happened to me. I had another beautiful daughter. We are a very happy family. I sometimes think about the babies I did not have have but a know I was too young and irresponsible and I would not have been a good mother. I have made peace with them and myself. I think abortions should be avoided at all costs but women need to be able to have the choice. No man should tell them otherwise. I want young women to know that even if you feel terrible now you can still find a lot of happiness in your future. Have faith in yourself and keep trying to find the right path for you.
How did you do the abortion?
It was physically uncomfortable and there was a lot of blood afterwards
What was your situation at this time?
My first abortion I was in a very dysfunctional relationship. My boyfriend was a heroin addict although he hid it from me. I had finished with him when I found out I was pregnant. I was in second year at university and having a child at 19 was not in my plans. My second abortion was from a one night stand where I was basically raped as I was out of control drunk. I couldn’t face bringing a baby into the world like that.
Did the illegality of your abortion affect your feelings?
I was lucky to live in a country that offers legal free abortions.
How did other people react to your abortion?
I didn’t tell many people. My best friends. They were shocked and didnt really know how to react