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My abortions defined my life choices for decades

1986 United States

I was “that” girl that everyone didn’t want to be friends with and having been raised in a very dysfunctional family where no love was expressed physically I validated myself by having sex with men. I was rejected by most men unless they wanted sex from me and I naively played with fire. I had my first abortion at age 22 and my second at age 23, both in clinics that I found in the phone book. I told no one, except for one person who knew me and my family situation. It took me decades to process what happened to me because I was unaware of how to get support and I didn’t feel safe revealing this to anyone. My career choices and educational goals were affected by both my abortions and I’ve never had a functional romantic relationship workout. The shame of having an abortion, combined with the lack of community and family support as well as constant denial of my emontions led me down a path of needing an outlet for my pain and anger-so I put my energies into sports. I had always been a gifted athlete and I spent my entire later 20’s getting a college degree and pursuing athletics. Society defines women as “good” or “bad” and in many countries not having children labels women as sinister, selfish beings. Personally, I don’t trust many women and most men enough to share my history and it takes a great deal of convincing to make me believe a person really would understand my experience or choices. It’s because most people are culturally conditioned to criticize everything women do, how they look and so forth. Now I am 54 and I’m invisible in most parts of society and nobody cares about my reproductivity anymore and all focus is on youth. My thoughts about the world—-I believe that education can create a strong, enlightened culture. We have the potential for a worldwide movement that can save the planet but unfortunately the daily news shows that we are heading in a direction and depleting our resources with reckless abandon, much like I did in my own life leading up to my abortions. I live a quite, monastic life now and am trying to decrease my carbon footprint in the hopes to balance out the overpopulation on our planet. Peace.

Both times were done in a clinic.

I did not want a child and both men told me they weren’t interested in a relationship with me.

How did other people react to your abortion?

Rejected me socially and emotionally. I hid it as best as I could but it changed me deeply. I hated myself for years and never had children because of it.

Catarina Fernando

Tenho 18 anos e os meus pais nunca iriam aceitar que eu tivesse um filho com…

Alice

Nunca imaginei que tomaria essa decisão, mas foi melhor no momento...

Marcela

Es más una historia de amor, que de un aborto pero posiblemente en algo te…

Maggie

Desculpa não te ter dado uma chance de sobreviveres, mas fiquei demasiado…

Gadzinka

Moja aborcja przemineła tak jak miała , wziełam tabletki potem dojadałam .

Elena

No fue tan terrible.

Daniela Moraes

É fácil defender o aborto das outras. Difícil é decidir quando a gente precisa…

B.

Uma decisão que precisa ser feita rápida porém pensada

Tamsen Reid

I had an abortion because I did not want to be pregnant. I wasn't ready to…

Beth

No estaba 10% segura pero lo hice,
Yo aborte.

Maree

It was sad but necessary

Giovanna

Oi amigas, primeiramente gostaria de dizer que eu entendo exatamente o quê…

Mar Tina

Todo es muy reciente ... estoy recuperandome hace tan solo dos dias que sucedio.

Jess

*No podía ser* 11sem

xjustynax

Od stycznia tego roku, poczułam, że w końcu zdobyłam mężczyznę którego tak…

Melodie

J'ai avorté il y a 4 ans et demi

M.

Nie chce się rozczulać. Każda kobieta sama podejmuje tą decyzję ale powinna…

Mariana Leitão

A tal história do “ engravidei por acidente” é real!