Zoe

Share your story

I had an abortion. It was a stressful time, I am glad it is all behind me. My friends were very supportive. I am left angry with society that forces women to feel shame, pain, and guilt, forces them into secrecy. How dare they torture women in such a way.

2014 United Kingdom

What were your feelings about doing the abortion/s?

I wish there were a few more positive emotions to choose from. I feel mostly that I was forced to feel a certain way by internalised abortion stigma, an this leaves me so angry. After a little time I am was able to rid myself completely of all the negative, self blame feelings. I am now very open about my abortion, in that I would not lie about it or hide it were it to arise in a conversation in some way. Of course, sometimes, even with some friends, there is fear on how they will react, and annoyance that maybe, probably, internally they do judge you a little.

How did you do the abortion?

It was quick. I had to go to the hospital to get the pill that induces menstruation. I had to be there until the foetus came out and the nurse checked it. I understand that it is to make sure everything went well, but I was a horrible experience to go to the hospital and stay there in the cold room, bleeding incredibly, and then get home again weakened. I want abortion pills to be legally available for use at home. Give women some credit!

What was your situation at this time?

I just could not.

中絶の違法性は、あなたの気持ちに影響を与えましたか?

It is only legal in my country until the 12th week, which I think is too short. The stigma is so strong that it forced me into secrecy, and only now that I am a little older (I was 20 at the time) I have absolutely no weird thoughts and am completely at peace with my experience. Well, not at peace, because I am left with this anger I described before. Stigmatisation is on the rise again, where right wing extremist control most media and propagate a message that equals abortion with murder, genocide and presents women as unreflected, one dimensional infants, mentally too limited to think about their actions. How dare they.

あなたの中絶に対する他の人々の反応はどうでしたか?

I only told one friend and my partner at the time, I was too ashamed to tell my family or close friends. This need to lie and isolation, disgusts me, why does it have to be this way? I only told most of them, my sister, and all close friends and new partner about it a year later. I was met with so much love and admiration for my strenght. I wish I had told them as soon as I knew I was pregnant, it would have helped me. But the fear to be judged was too deeply hammered into me.

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