Imgoingtobeokay

Share your story

It's 2:25AM as I write this. I had two pills of misoprostol at 11PM. Been surfing the web since then. I've asked Google every question there is. Read every discussion board. Cried. And stopped. Surfed the web some more. And cried again.
My best friend sleeps next to me. We have an exam tomorrow. She's Snoring. I've never been more envious of her. My boyfriend, is in a different time zone. He keeps saying "chill out, the pills are not magic. Just wait."
I couldn't cry quietly anymore. So I came into the bathroom. Afraid to take my panties off, just to be disappointed for the millionth time tonight. Sat on the pot. Pants on. Cried some more. I love him. I say to myself. I will have his babies some day. Just not today. And it's okay. I say repeatedly. In between prayers I send up to God to let it be okay. "It's okay."
And then come those thoughts that are there even if you're thinking something else. Or laughing. Or studying. Or humming a song just so you wouldn't think. "What if I won't be okay! Ectopic! Surgery! Side effects! Still no bleeding! Why do I feel so alone?
And suddenly, I need to pee. So I take my pants off and pee. Wait. I saw a blob. A red blob. Let me check. And there it is. The red blob. And the tears. The stress, the relief, the grief all together. All at once. Tears. Blood. Pee. And all I can hear through my silent wails are "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
I don't know who I'm apologising to. To God? Because some say what I just did is against his will? To my mother? Because this is the only secret I will ever keep from her? To my boyfriend? The love of my life? For putting him through this? For making him feel like there's nothing he can do to make this better? To my best friend? For making her sit in the clinic for hours as I chugged down litre and after litre of water for the ultrasound?
No. Just me. I'm sorry. For putting myself through this. For 3 weeks of those horrible thoughts, those sleepless nights those countless google searches. I'm sorry. Never again.
I've never been so happy to see that red blob.
I'm going to be okay.

2015 India

I've said it all.

It worked. That's all I care about.

How did other people react to your abortion?

Whoever I told was supportive to be the best of their capacity.

C123

CRÓNICAS DE UNA MUJER QUE DECIDIÓ NO TRAER UN HIJO A ESTE MUNDO...

Daria

Mam 17 lat i jestem z moim chłopakiem od lutego. Aborcji dokonałam z wczoraj na…

Kiara

Lo hice por amor al bebé, no me merecía como mamá.

Nicole

No estaba segura que iba ser de mi futuro.

Zoe

I had an abortion. It was a stressful time, I am glad it is all behind me. My…

Lindseymae Mckay

My name is Lindseymae McKay. I will be 32 years old next week. I have a 6 year…

Phoebe

I didn't want to do it, but it is my worst fear to bring another child into the…

Irina

Cuando miro para atrás, más se afirma la certeza de que hice lo correcto.

Anonymous

The wrong idea that abortion is a sin.

Lise

I had an abortion and I don't regret it. It was a hard decision but one I knew…

Zoe

I had an abortion. It was a stressful time, I am glad it is all behind me. My…

flicky flicky

it was safe and very effective...was 38days late.i follwed women on web within…

maly min

Si, yo una vez estuve embarazada, de eso no hace mucho y cuando me entere llore…

Typh N

C'est une décision difficile qui fait mal au corps au coeur à l'âme mais la…

Virginie

À 32 ans, j'ai avorté parce que ce n'était pas le bon moment.

Dominika

Miałam aborcję, udało się i nie żałuję.