I always thought I cannot be pregnant, as I was diagnosed with primal amenhorroe and polycystic ovaries and my body only started having irregular periods last year, and before that would only have periods induced by the pill. I was suffering from the thought, that I was infertile, as I always wanted babies and since coming off the pill 2 years ago, was tempting fate by not using any contraception with my boyfriend then. I did not want to take hormonal contraception as I thought that would mess with my hormonal imbalance even more ( and having been on the pill for 11 years) and none of the doctor that I went to see then, spoke to me about the option of the copper coil, which I had put in after the abortion as it does not mess with your natural cycle.
I felt so happy when I found out I was pregnant, as i thought I cannot conceive, but also really sad, as it was from a man who was not very good for me and in an abusive relationship, I was trying to end. I decided to go ahead and abort, although I always saw myself as not being able to abort, because i felt that under the circumstances, I could not have given the child everything I wanted and because I did not want the father in my life anymore. I was also worried, that if I kept it, I would reject it for being half his. I never wanted it to witness the horrible destructive fights i regularly had with the father and I did not want to be a bad example to my child and showing it, that it is ok to let yourself be put down by a man. I always want to be a strong women who teaches by example how important a loving respectful relationship is. This relationship was far from it!
Quels étaient vos sentiments au sujet de faire l'avortement / s?
Comment avez-vous fait l'avortement?
I had a surgical abortion at 6 weeks through Marie Stopes. I went to see the GP first, but once I had made up my mind, self referred to Marie Stopes. Everyone at the centre is extremely professional and very very kind and understanding and they make this tough journey as easy as possible for you. I first went to the centre for a counselling session to be sure of my decision and for a scan to find out how old the baby was ( since I do not have regular periods, i had no idea). They made me feel empowered by recommending what kind of contraception I could use in future and told me I could have the copper coil inserted right after the abortion. The thing that distressed me the most, were the pro-life demonstrators outside the centres, they only hand out leaflets and are not allowed to aggress you, so have to be very polite, but I feel they need to voice their opinions in public places, not in front of clinics. They have no idea of the story behind each individual abortion, all they care about is for the child to be born. doesn't guarantee though that it will then be well looked after. My abortion was done at the Whittington hospital, where Marie Stopes operate on weekends, again the staff were so kind and helpful, and did everything they could to make it as easy as possible. The wait times were a bit long though, but I was allowed to go back out and come back later before seeing the nurse. I went on my own, as both my friends were abroad and I did not want the father to come along with me. I was really scared only just before the actual procedure, when we were made to put on the hospital gown and wait with our belongings in a basket.when they called me into the operating theatre, I was really nervous and terrified, but the staff were fantastic and talked me through things so quickly and before I knew it, the sedation was working and that was the las thing I remember. of the procedure. Apparently it only takes 5-10 minutes, but I do not remember anything of it. The next thing I remember was waking up in the recovery room and lying on my side crying ( apparently this is normal and coming off the drugs). soon I felt better, more awake and was able to sit up and have some water and biscuits. The girl next to me started talking to me again, as she had broken down into tears before the operating theatre and I told her not to worry ( this calmed me down as well). Soon I was asked to go and pee and get dressed. Before leaving you speak to the nurse, who gives you advice ( no exercise for 2 weeks, now sex for 2 weeks etc etc). The staff were so friendly, and I felt really supported. Also they have counselling for after the abortion. I feel so privileged to have access to such a professional service and realise how important abortion is to a womans right to make her own choices in life. It has only been 2 days since I had it, and I mainly feel relieved but also a little sad and don't know how hard the grieving process will be. I do think about the baby and imagine how beautiful it would have been and how it would have smiled at me. However I still feel I made the right choice and really want to work on finding a more loving, honest caring and respectful relationship and hopefully will be blessed to have kids on day. I am already 33, so hopefully this will happen for me. Having been through an abortion has been an eye opener to me, one must never judge others too quickly, without knowing their personal story and what they are going through. What helped me so much in the process was a friend telling me about her abortion some years ago. I never know, that story would be so helpful to me
Quelle était votre situation à ce moment-là?
I really wanted out of a relationship, that was verbally abusive and with no respect and did not want to spend the rest of my life, tied to a man, who always seems to have several relationships simultaneously. Him and me were just an affair, but we spent so much time together over 1 year, I was very emotionally involved. I was aware he had two children, but not that he was still sleeping with the mother of his kids, something he only admitted when I told him I was pregnant. He had children with this women, while being in another relationship, too. I should have read all those red flags more clearly and looked after myself better......I have definitely learned form this, that one must choose very very wisely even who one sleeps with. I have vowed to take good care of myself and only let men into my life, who deserve it. Financially I would have been in a position to raise it on my own, but turns out, I would like the emotional support of a father and want to raise kids as a couple. I will plant a tree in the forest near my parents in honour of this little baby, that was not meant to be, and I know, it will be in my heart forever. I really hope that I will cope with this ok on the long run....
Comment les autres personnes ont-elles réagi à votre avortement ?
I did not tell many people about it, the father of the baby who already has two children and two friends. My friends were very supportive, they advised me before and listened to m. The father did his best to be, but he was worried about how the current mother of his children would react, if she found out I were pregnant, as he never told her he was seeing me and that his already existing family would fall apart. I never told my parents, as since I am a teen they told me not to abort, but that they would help me raise the kid, so I think they would have been against my decision. They are old now and i don't think they could have supported me in being a single mum, and I feel unsure about how they would have reacted to a mixed race kid.
Nunca me senti tão sozinha
and I'm so relieved
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Aún grito perdón
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Ik heb een abortus gehad
No fue facil pero lo hise y me ha hido muy bien! Fue mi mejor decición!