Hattie Ladd

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I have had two abortions. The first one was when I was 20 and the second when I was 22, and both times I was around 7 weeks pregnant. I didn't want to have children, I was too young. Though it wasn't an easy thing to go through and it caused me a lot of upset, I've never regretted it. My heart goes out to all those who aren't permitted to make that choice as easily as I could.

2012 United Kingdom

What were your feelings about doing the abortion/s?

I want to add that both times I was pregnant I felt like this thing was taking over my body that I didn't want it there - this heaviness in my belly that was leading to one certain, inevitable thing - a baby - and my body was screaming out to make it stop. During the days that I waited for an abortion I felt trapped and unhappy. In the future when I do make the decision to have children, I want to feel joyful that I'm pregnant, and that I choose to have child freely, safely and happily.

How did you do the abortion?

The first abortion I had was surgical and it was awful. As I was going under general anaesthetic the doctors were laughing and joking about, one was trying on a silly hat and shooting something into the bin like a game..it was weird and surreal and there was nothing I could do about it because a few seconds later I was conked out. I woke up in a room of girls and women, some crying, either with pain or anguish. I wanted to go and see my boyfriend who was waiting downstairs but I wasn't allowed, then got taken from waiting room to waiting room till I had calmed down from the experience, and came out feeling numb. I felt like I wasn't allowed to deal with the emotions I was feeling, and it made them a lot harder to come to terms with. The second abortion I had was a medical abortion. I took some pills, and basically had a big period whilst taking a few painkillers. I was safe and comfortable at home.

What was your situation at this time?

How did other people react to your abortion?

Friends are totally fine about it, my mum was supportive and caring but I haven't spoken to the rest of my family about it. My boyfriend at the time felt confused and I think he wanted to feel like the decision was his as well, so he felt upset that I had made up my mind without him.

legal/illegal

What is your religion?

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Sendo lactante