Aysella

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Abortions are not fun !

2009 Pakistan

What were your feelings about doing the abortion/s?

How did you do the abortion?

Doctors attitude :in a country like Pakistan , doctors are very fussy about abortions. The doctor despite of me telling her clearly , insisted on keeping the pregnancy . I asked her if you cant do it who will do it > she said im sorry you would have to do the homework yourself . She prescribed me Folic acid instead that would help the fetus grow . When I saw the prescription I kinda got mad at her .After wasting time I said her plainly I respect your sentiments but I cant keep it .i walked out of her clinic. My last night with the Fetus: I slept that night after coming from ultrasound where the doctor confirmed I was five weeks and a half. I remember that night was one of the worst nightmares of my life. It was not that cold but windy and I was wearing a blanket .all night I remember shivering with heck of anxiety and depression and panic. I saw many dreams ,some faces unrecognized .IN short a very disturbed and panicked sleep. That was the worst night . I was damn panicked and shivered in my sleep. My actual performance : Near 5 in the noon next day I was fully mentally prepared because I was not bale to take more stress. I called women on waves and told her aim taking the first pill. I took 4 pills of misoprostol and kept them under my tongue and waited. They kind of dissolved in 30 minutes. You don't have to swallow the tablets just put them under your tongue . When I was doing this after fifteen minutes my mom arrived . After the tablets dissolved some 45 minutes total time , I had to throw up and had vomiting. After that I got chills and started shivering . My mother was in front of me so in order o hide my state I kept quiet and under blanket .if I would have talked she would have gotten to know I was not normal at that time . Three hours after I took another dose of 4 pills ,and three hours after I took another dose which was my lat . (total 12 tablets , with a gap of three hours in each dose , 4 pills at a time ).i started the dose at 3 in noon . I had not a worst diarrhea because I took two tablets of Falgyll medicine for stomach before taking misoprostol . I had loose motion just for once .I started bleeding near 6 .one thing I noticed was . Before my vaginal area was tightly closed and dry . After a few hours of pills it got so soft as someone had lubricated it .the blood came out .by about 8 hours after the first dose the peak of blood gushes came out . It was so much blood that when I used to stand up for the washroom it rained down my pad like a shower . Near 11 : 30 I passed out huge clots and a fist diameter round tube like structure that I believe was the gestational sac and something like a tadpole which I assume was the fetus I could be wrong . But the total material I passed out was not normal so it made me sure that I have had an abortion structure came out of the pad and fell on the floor. It was so much blood that I couldn't handle and some fell at floor . I started cleaning the floor and felt like id faint . I admit I had very much weakness at that time .My BF was with me on phone standby . He was very worried but I was so sick I couldn't even message him properly .He was messaging me like crazy and didn't sleep the whole night . Sense of relief : I remember as soon as the peak of abortion moment came and i passed off the sac my body felt so relaxed as it got emptied The next Morning : the next day bleeding reduced and it diminished the same day . I took hot water shower to clean my self . After 20 hours the bleeding again came . It was with more cramps, my mother not knowing my situation feel sick herself . I was in the second day of my abortion an I took her to hospital .i kept running for her health . She got drip and injections . She asked the doctor to check me . I said a firm no . She thought im saying because I did not want to waste money . She said I have money you get a checkup . I said no .leaving her on hospital bed I came out of hospital and sat in sun . The warmth was soothing for my crams .cramps lasted for one day then I took an ibuprofen and cramps were gone I felt very easy but bleeding continued with v little clots at times. Symptoms of pregnancy : for one day I had severe pain in my boobs . Now my tummy is getting flat and boob soreness is gone .i got an ultrasound also to see if nothing was left it was OK. My advice : we took ECP (the morning after pill but he released inside me ) I believe now no contraception is safe , and there is something destined above heavens written in your fate that no one can stop. Abortions are not fun . They are serious business . First try not to have sex . If you do ave take a double precaution pill plus condom and dot do it in your ovulation days .never .I you decide to go for a medical abortion , never do it alone .its a big risk have someone by your side though not telling them but have them ready .Its best to avoid an abortion . Be safe then being in the situation which is not only difficult but involves a risk life hazards. You can consult medical professionals and before taking medication make sure you'd be able to handle it and the side effects and are not allergic to any of its contents. Before taking the medication take one medicine for your diarrhea .I have saved the fetus ultrasound initial one with me as a memory and im sad I had to loose it I said sorry to him before this all. May he forgives me .I plan to stay away from sex -miles away before I get to some position in my life. Sex is an option never a necessity if it is trading for your life. I hope I was of help.

What was your situation at this time?

Did the illegality of your abortion affect your feelings?

My decision making stage: I remember at that time I was so much in shock (and my brain works real practical and swift in a crisis situation) I focused on nothing else except for the solution . I did not cry , I did not waste any time and left the home there and then for an ultrasound for secondary confirmation .i did not want to go for the HCG blood test because the reports would take a day or two in reaching back to me and I was sin no mood of wasting time.(HCG blood test is the best though ).i recommend not wasting any time and waiting for the period .its best to check it out .i understand checking involves a lot of internal fear ,what if the result comes out to be positive but just do it . My choice : I chose to go with the medical abortion .For me privacy meant a lot to me .Moreover I do not see the confidence in me to go for a DNC and get operated or sucked out . My sudden preparations: The first thing I did was (keeping the uncertainty of my situation )to email my office that I would not be able to come for work because of sickness till a week. Then I called my classmates that I would not be able to come to college for attending my classes for a week. After that I bought 20 packs of maxi sanitary pads and tissues for more comfort . Then I charged my cell phone completely and made it full of credit so I don't face any hindrances in emergency calling .I took on board the women from “women on waves “ (you can see their address and numbers on Internet by typing women on waves on Google ).I prepared a dress that was easy and comfy for in case going o hospital .I didn't want to be alone so I called my mother and asked her to come to me (without telling her what had happened and did not tell her till date )i just wanted my loved ones to be with me in order for emotional support .My mom was very swift she traveled and came to me .when I saw her face I cant explain what I felt . There was this combination of guilt and sorry on my face but I did not tell her nothing.

How did other people react to your abortion?

My Initial Worries: When my period got delayed I got worried , day in and day out all what I thought was about why it was not coming .I study as well besides doing work .My decision about checking it came to me during my class. My teacher was delivering the lecture and all what I was thinking was about my missed period. That day during the lecture I decided its enough of the game now and now I need to now whats happening in order to be in my senses My symptoms : now when I look back I see the symptoms of pregnancy were there but as I was so busy I couldn't read them in me. My body was telling me something was not OK but I paid no heed. I peed a lot . My breast got v tender and painful ,i had a sudden craving for food .Last but not the least , when you think something is wrong- it probably is . My actual worries : I went into the washroom with the test kit in my hands. I would admit I was internally very scared of the intended result .Collected my urine into a white clean dry jar and inserted the stick in it till the arrow . It was almost 7 pm at night and March 15,2009 .One second, two seconds,three seconds four seconds five seconds -and there it was . Two extremely clear, bright dark red lines leaving no room for benefit of doubt. I said to my self Im pregnant .

legal/illegal

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