Andrea

I had an abortion, and it wasn't ever something i thought i'd have to deal with. i feel powerful in that it was my choice, for reasons which I understood and had come to peace with. at the same time, there is a feeling of loss in that i wonder if perhaps I threw away a chance at being a mother for the first and last time. i am in no position to be a parent--my child would lack stability economically. the father and i had just began a romantic relationship, and i worried that it just wasn't the right time for us to become parents. we are very much in love, we want to build a life together, but a child is something we're not prepared for. i think about the what ifs when i'm alone. i tell my boyfriend aout my fear and worries and i feel guilt as i told him about all of this after it was over. he would have wanted to keep it, he says it would have been the kick we needed to get our act togther and start anew. i am very skeptical. i think the pressure would have been too much for us and that the relationship would have deterioated. we talk now about future babies. we want to have something that is a piece of ourselves, a piece of our love for each other. but i hope we can do this when we're ready. i want to give my baby everything and that includes a stable family that will take them in with love and joy, not worries and anxieties. it was not an easy decision. it was a tough one, as it should be. and it's made me much more mindful of things and aspects of my life. i thank this service that the website provided.