Summer Desselle

I had an abortion. It was in October of 2008, when I was 21. The guy I was dating at the time was wonderful, beautiful...but we weren't sure where the relationship was going. Also, I was working three jobs and planning to finish my women's studies degree soon. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, there was no need to contemplate my choice. My boyfriend was very supportive as we knew that we could not be the parents that we would want to be for that child. I was able to have the abortion at only 6 weeks into the pregnancy, one of the earliest times you can. (Because the fetus could not be seen at 5 weeks, and the doctors needed to confirm visually that there was a fetus to abort.) The process was a very peaceful, fast, painless experience. I listened to Ani Difranco's "Self Evident" the day of the abortion, reciting her words: "Here's a toast to all those nurses and doctors, who daily provide women with a choice. Who stand down a threat the size of Oklahoma city, just to listen to a young woman's voice." Although my close family had always been open-minded and pro-choice, they longed for me to keep the baby. Ultimately, though, my boyfriend and I knew that we could not bring this child into the world at that time and be the loving, dedicated parents we would want to be. My advice for anyone in this situation is to reach within yourself to discover what is right for YOU. Whether you have the child or not, you will have moments of "What if..." You will go through all the emotions possible, and that is entirely normal. It has been almost a year since the abortion, and my boyfriend and I are now planning to get married and to start a family sometime soon. We are confident that we will perhaps have that baby that we could not have in 2008, and we will be as prepared as we can for that child. You will be affected by whatever choice you make, having both "up" and "down" thoughts; but you must remember that it is your body, soul and spirit that you own, and the WORST thing you can do is make a drastic decision to please anyone else but yourself. Be comforted to know that others are out there like yourself. I now plan to start a commune (community-living environment), where I will focus on helping women and children in crisis. I encourage whomever wishes to contact me for further advice to "friend" me on Facebook. It was a dear friend of mine who put me in touch with the NAF (National Abortion Federation), who helped pay for half of the abortion. Peace be with you~