Rune C. Olwen

Nobody knew.
I grew up with the knowledge that rape victims were called "sinners", and better do not say anything.
So why should I talk myself into an institution for "bad" girls?
I was always the bookworm who knew things, tried out what I had read,
and the heavy monthly bleeding which was normal among all the women in my family has a diagnosis name nowadays.

less bad than being raped.
A small chance of getting things done,
being not so utterly helpless anymore.

I am the product of rape and a still existing abortionforbidding law and was born into abuse circles - abuse of every kind.
(Collect a few samples of Catholicism from those who can speak up now,
lots of families with born-unwanted children resemble these institutions)
From age 7 on I tried to fight off the rapists, but did not succeed completely until I came of age and left this "family" for good.

Now in menopause I try to get rid of this habit to stiffen, all muscles so hard that I do not feel anything.
I grew up with that technique not to feel any pain.
I do not remember any time before I learnt that, and do not know the source of half of my scars.
This state of mind and body needs utter concentration to move or do anything, and is quite exhausting, and causes high blood pressure.
But when something resembles my childhood, the habit comes back, although I have lived alone and succeeded not to be touched for two decades now.