Daria Jo

They do not know about it. I have not told anyone, because no one else knew I was pregnant.

It was very very painful and stressful but I had to bear with it because I could not go on with the pregnancy.
First of all, the medicines (misoprost) are extremely painful. If you are faint-hearted or weak think thrice about going through this alone. Have painkillers with you or else you will really FAINT. Imagine 3-5 times more painful than your normal menstrual cramps. It must have felt like going to labor.
15 minutes after I took it the cramps start. At first it feels like your uterus is contracting. Later on i was bleeding lightly but the cramps continue to be more painful. 30 minutes later i was going to the toilet and was having diarrhea. 1 hour later i was having really bad cramps, diarrhea, and was vomiting. i even saw one undissolved tablets come out. i kept going back to the toilet but my body was aching from the cramps and i wanted so much to lie down in bed. i felt thirsty but anything i took just comes out.
Then later on the cramps escalate like a big cord in the uterus. i felt the ebbing pain every 10 seconds. it was very painful much worse than a toothache headache and stomach ache combined. good thing i kept painkillers, and took one. but the pain was really getting worse so painful i could not take it anymore i thought i was going to pass out. and then almost right after i thought i was going to faint a big blob of blood came out and instantaneously the pain died down.
The bleeding worsened and when i took the 2nd set of misoprost i also took 2 painkillers. it was only then that the pain was bearable than the first time. i passed out and woke up an hour later with soaked pads. after 4 hours i woke up and found a fleshy tissue on my pad. it was as big as my thumb and quite curiously may be the sac or a part of my pregnancy.
I was bleeding quite heavily for 2 weeks, and had clots coming out. after 3rd and 4th week the bleeding was light. 5 weeks after, bleeding came back but lasted only for 4 days. maybe that was my menses coming back. i hope im finally ok.

Looking back the day i learned i was 1week late for my menses i panicked. even before i took the pregancy test i already feared i was pregnant. i was drowsy in the morning, i looked horrible, i had occasional diarrhea, and my nipples were itchy and growing really puffed and hurts a bit.
I was in denial when the p.t. showed 2 lines and i was shocked. but the first thing that came up was to keep the pregnancy. i thought it was time to move on with my life and be a mother.
so why did i do it?
on the day i learned i was pregnant was also the day i knew i wasnt alone. he who got me impregnated got another woman pregnant too. i thought of a lot of things and people that day. i thought of myself and my selfish reasons. i thought of my family and their reaction- initially and later dealing with it longterm, i knew it wasn't going to be an easy explanation.
i spent a few days thinking about my predicament. i was very angry with the irresponsible selfish jerk who did not care about anything but his own satisfaction. and i could not forgive myself for not seeing. i was fooled.
then i thought of the person inside of me, who in years time will ask and will have to deal with issues i cannot answer and resolve myself. the unbearable months and years ahead, my own selfish reasons, and my own stupidity of why i made this big problem happen prompted me to solve it on my own. for me this was the safest, most discreet and affordable way. and definitely the most painful- physically, emotionally and psychologically.
And i did it.

I honestly feel relieved i made it through. i know the decision i made was not mature, but i had limited choices and was not ready to face the truth.
I was and still am angry with the selfish man. and i know i am also unforgivable.
I feel guilty because of the immorality of my actions. But no one can answer for me but myself.
Pregnancy is a gift, which when wanted- becomes elusive. when expected, can only be appreciated by a blessed few.