Karolina

I didn't tell my family. Some friends know about it, but they are really open-minded and they supported my decision and felt some empathy. I was afraid to tell about it to my close friend because I knew that he thinks that abortion is a murder and it's justified only in a case of rape or some bad illness... But I've met him some time ago and he told me about his and his brother's friend that got pregnant with the brother and she had abortion too. He changed his mind at once... :-)
I'm afraid I'll never tell about it to my family...

Queer. I had no idea that it'll work so quickly. I had a tremendous pain, I felt extremely weak and sick. I had never taken so many pills in one day before (pills + painkillers). It was a strange feeling when I saw something like a chicken's liver getting out of me... There was a lot of pain that I can't describe, some vomitting. I was repeating that I want to die, because I won't stand it. Fortunately, my boyfriend was with me. He didn't know me, it was my friend, my mate I met the year before. When I arrived to his town, I felt in love with him, but it was too soon to think about future with him... The experience made our relationship, our love stronger, although I felt no sex appeal to him when I was pregnant and I was afraid that it won't come back. I had some problems with his mother, because she had a premotion of it and she accused me of getting pregnant with another guy and trying to make him believe that he is a father... :-( I still love him and want to have a baby, because I love children... My boyfriend is the most responsible guy I know and I'm sure that he'll be the best daddy in the world... I hope my life will get better soon, that we'll eventually cope with our debts and I'll have a better paid job. I have no stings of remorse, I don't feel guilty at the moment. My baby would have 4 months at the moment, but there are some days that I have nothing to eat... :-(

Financial issues = my education. No future for my baby made me more determined to postpone the pregnancy... I was also too young for this and my relationship with my boyfriend was young too (one month of being together!). I was born when my mother was 19. I didn't want to repeat it and show that my baby is unwanted, that he or she destroyed the best years of my life. It sounds brutal, but these emotions are too strong to overcome them.
I had got also some mental and physical health reasons. I suffered from a neurosis and had to cure some illnesses that make normal life impossible.

I was happy and relieved because of my own determination of not giving birth to a new human being. I felt not ready to this. I felt afraid because of the blood that couldn't stop dripping. I felt guilty and selfish too, because my boyfriend is older than me (28), he has many friends that have children and he didn't tell me about it, but he wanted (and still wants) to have a baby...