Andrea

I told the father and two friends, both of whom I knew had had abortions themselves and were non-judgemental. I did not want to burden anyone else with the secret. Also, I think one or two friends would have struggled to deal with it, some because the pregnancy was the result of infidelity and others because they have been trying through IVF to fall pregnant themselves.

I chose a medical abortion through the Marie Stopes clinic in my city. I can't speak more highly of the supportive, kind staff there. The doctor at the family planning clinic I attended was also wonderful. It helps considerably to have knowledgeable, caring health professionals to speak with. Even if you feel like you have your emotions under control, you often don't, and their attitude really affects the way you feel. The medical abortion was ideal for me because I felt I had control over the process and it was non-invasive, so more natural. It was no more painful than a severe period.

The father lives in another country and we only see each other occasionally - so it is all the more remarkable that I fell pregnant. He already has three children and continues to live with their mother to provide them with some normality even if the marriage isn't happy. He said he would support my decision if I wanted to have the child, but I knew that he did not want to disrupt his childrens' lives and he would have felt obliged to look after me. I did not want him to be with me out of obligation. At the same time, at my age, I felt I would struggle to bring up a child on my own (something I felt was likely to happen despite his protestations) whilst trying to hold down my demanding job. I also feel that a child needs to have two parents in its life and this was not likely to happen. Perhaps I am rationalising my decision - I do wonder if I am being selfish. I know my parents would think so, but they will never know about this. The hardest thing about this was dealing with what it meant about my relationship with the father, who I loved, but who wasn't there with me. It highlighted the fact that he has never been there for me. I am relieved that the process is over, but I continue to feel the impact on my emotions about the father and our relationship. He seems to have put this event behind him as if it didn't matter and I feel I am just being overly emotional if I keep bringing it up. We talk most days, but it is no longer the same. In some ways I think this has killed what we had, and what I thought we could have.

I was relieved to find abortion was legal where I lived. This website helped me a lot - I realised that everyone who chooses to have an abortion goes through a lot of soul-searching. It is not a decision anyone makes lightly and it can have ramifications for many years. I feel sad at the thought that a child conceived in love will not be born and that our genes will not be combined in that child ... that I will not have a little part of him and someone special to love in the form of the child. I feel selfish to have chosen this abortion just because of my age and because I would have been on my own bringing the child up. I feel stupid for falling preganant (thought I was infertile) and I still feel confused about whether or not I ever wanted children. I am disappointed in the father, but that is life I suppose and it was my choice to fall in love with him and to foolishly believe in him.
Thank you to all of the women on this site who shared their experiences - it helped so much to read them.