Katie

The father came with me but we were very awkward being in the waiting room. Most of the other people there were couples who were visibly upset, we sat side by side not touching and barely speaking. The clinic had ambiguous signage and was very discreet though, so we felt comfortable walking in and out.

The father was one of my closest friends- we were not together- I knew he could be unreliable with the small things and had little faith that he would be supportive and stable when it came to having a child together.
I have struggled with being adopted myself so that was not an option for me either. I was 19, had a career, a place of my own, was educated and came from a good family who would have supported me, but I had also only recently recovered from a severe 2 year bout of depression (had been hospitalised for a year)- I was sure that I would not be able to cope being single and pregnant.
I seriously considered going through with the pregnancy but looking back, I think it was for the wrong reasons, mostly being able to have a blood relative in my life, something I wish I had. Part of me still thinks that I could have made it work, could have given my baby the best life possible, but I have to accept that now I'll never know.

I had friends- one in particular- who, when I confided in her, turned on me completely and said some really horrible things. I posted an entry on my online journal when I found out I was pregnant, and had one person tell me that I would be a horrible person if I had an abortion, considering that I myself could very easily have been aborted (instead I was adopted). This was from someone I didn't even know, and I let it affect me.
Initially I made the decision to have the baby, and my parents (when I eventually told them) supported this decision. Still, there were those few that disapproved and did not hesitate in letting me know.
I wish now that I hadn't have listened to those few.
I was angry with the father- who in all honesty was as supportive as he could have been- but I was angry that he wasn't as upset as I was.
I am still sad about the decision I made, and even now I question whether it was the right one. If I were to fall pregnant now I would definitely be more honest with myself in my decisions rather than try to appease other people; though I cannot honestly say what my ultimate decision would be.
I feel uncomfortable being around pregnant friends (pregnant women in general) and also around children who would have been the same age as mine would have been. Day to day, it's okay just every few weeks I become really depressed about it.