Sonia Cruz

my parents didn't know anything about it. i've tried to be discreet as possible. it was horrible. trying to act as if nothing happened. i would cry myself into sleep and making sure no one would ever find out about it. the guy who giot me pregnant was the meanest person i have ever known. he didn't support me for anything. he even tried to ruin my life if i bother him as if i was the one to blame for all that was happened. i continue to search for moral support to anyone i know, including my former boyfriends. but then nothing happened. the only persons that helped me the most are my long time friends whose always been there for me. they knew it wasn't the right thing to do. but still they supported me. they keep on asking about how i was, and if i'm okay. they are the ones who made me strong during the process. they told me how proud they were for all that i've been through and that they respect my decision no matter what for i know not what is right but the possible and best way to do.

it was hell. all the cramping, the emotional break down, the worries. i've researched a lot about this type of abortion. as much as possible i don't consider surgical abortion for i have heard a lot of bad and horrible news about it. i took the medicine just by myself. without anyone knows about it. i took 2 pills orally and the other two vaginally. i did everything what i've read here in women on web. i stayed calm as much as possible. i laid down for hours and experienced major cramping like my uterus is being crashed into pieces. it was not ordinary menstrual cramping. it has the burning sensation and it was excruciating. it lasted for about a week. i almost experience fainting out for i've lost a lot of blood. i still went to work and i didn't want anyone else know about what im going through. everytime i went to pee and replace my pad, its unbelievable how i expelled a lot of blood that time.

there's a plenty of reasons why i didn't want to continue my pregnancy. the one major reason is that the guy who got me pregnant wasn't the kind of guy i wanted to marry. yeah, we dated but it was less than a month when i first know this guy. plus, the time when i was about to tell him im pregnant, he immediately went gone. i'm tried calling him but there was no answer. he was hiding from me and from what happened. he was such a jerk. i couldn't believe that time that he can do such horrible and cruel things to me. i've also been very scared of what my parents would say or do if they know about it. they expect so much things to me. i was the only hope for them and i'm just recently graduated from college so there's no chance for me to have a baby for now, not this time when i'm about to start a new career of my own.

at first i must say i felt numb about it. i didn't even had a second thought of not doing it. for me, my life would be in such devastation if i continue my pregnancy. but the more i'm engaging myself into the situation, the more i've became afraid, confused, and angry of what's happening. the feelings were hard to explain. it's like i wanna explode and die right away! my world are spinning and i can feel that i'm not in myself anymore. ive cried and cried in the shower hoping everything would be fine. there's no one i could talk to or get an advice with. i feel all alone. i feel i deserved to be tortured like that.