Mia

The few ones whom I told were supportive and understood very well my point of view and the morbid humor that helped me cope with it. I haven't told very many, as I'm afraid that rumours will spread to those who are less receptive/understanding. The medical staff was also nice, except for one doctor who tried to make me feel like I should be sorry to have an abortion, and acctually accept and want the child if I was a bit older or more financially stable. I think it was a bit unfair to push one's views on a patient, especially as I was in no place to defend my opinion, since she would soon examine me, and I didn't want to be "accidentally" hurt...

I had some cramps the night before after the cytotec and afterwards too, but the operation itself was painless and easy. The staff was nice and caring, nobody tried to make the experience into a punishment/something to learn about, which I had worried about; instead, they checked fraquently if I needed more painkillers or anything and that I would get safely home and be taken care of there. It was also my first anesthesia, and somehow it reminded me of how I've imagined death to be -lights, dizziness, and then, nothing. I hope it will be like that...

I view breeding as some sort of ecological crime. I don't know if there is such a thing as a reasonable family/population size for our specie. Eventually the religions and ideologies that support large families or ban preventives will expand. Usually these groups oppress women and believe men have the right to use the resources of the whole biosphere, and then, when there is nothing more to be exploited, some sort of deity will come down and save them. But luckily it's not my decision wether or not we should exist at all.

Afterwards, I felt relieved and somehow purified in an almost religious sence. Being "clean" again, myself, alone in my own body. I was also thankful to live where I could get it done safely and legally.
But I was quite disappointed with my lover, who was having regrets and being sad, not that he shouldn't have felt whatsoever he did, but that it was unloyal at that point to ask me for comfort when I was still going through an unstable, PMS-like post-pregnant phase. And that it was awful to want to reproduce with me (I understand that it's mystified to ridiculous extents) because of all that pain and nausea, self-loathing and even worse things that would have followed, weight-gain, getting breasts, loosing muscle-tone, giving birth and having one's privates torn open by some parasite, feeding it, cleaning it, getting post-natal depression and hating that screaming thing and trying to keep it alive while still sick and bleeding, to not get persecuted for infanticide. Not something I would ask from someone I love.