ordinary girl

I had an abortion...actually four times...yes it just came all in a bad time. abortion is illegal here in the philippines. of course i wanted them at times but my partner and i knew we couldnt hande it. the first one was with my ex...i used cytotech...that was the worst experience on my life...i think it was because i didnt use enough tablets and leaded to incomplete abortion and i had a d&C. i was 18 years old or 19 think...i was very young. i was bleeding for 3 weeks and i kept telling my ex i have to get a check up. he tried to talk me out of it by saying it will stop everything will be ok. but i went to the ob and she got mad, gave me a lecture which only made me feel worse. the second and third went fine and the bleeding stopped after a week. my menstraution was normal. this is my fourth and i have in my hands the cytotech again. i dont know when this will end for me...and over and over again i keep telling myself to use control! i thought everything was fine and i won't get pregnant after the second or the third. i didnt want to use pills because i was thinking ill get breast cancer or it will make me fat or something. but i couldve risked all that instead of aborting...again. i wish i could stop and oh my GOD, i pray each time it will be my last...i now know...contraceptives are the best way to stop from all these things happening to me. i cant believe it...i think it falls under the category habitual abortion... the only advice i can give to women is...u can make up for doing abortion later on if you feel like you have done a very very terrible sin. just be faithful and ask for forgiveness...think of yourself...are you ready? can u handle a life long commitment of having a child... you cant give it back remember...